The Burden of Doing it All
Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash
Tired of doing it all? Of course, you are.
Between the demands of work, family, friendships, and other responsibilities, we're all feeling the pressure of overdoing it. Our obligations keep piling up, and we think we can somehow do it all.
In a world where busyness is valued and putting yourself first is considered selfish, many of us feel the need to go above and beyond to prove ourselves worthy. But you were born worthy, so over-doing things and running yourself ragged won’t prove anything.
How you care for yourself is what matters most. Your mental, physical, and emotional health should always come first. When you care for yourself, you can be more present in your life and, in turn, can better care for others.
If taking care of everyone and everything has you feeling down, it's time to adjust your way of thinking.
Understanding the drive to do it all
Our lives are chock full of tasks that carry over from one day to the next. A constant replay of running errands, taking care of others, and maintaining the status quo. And with the holidays on the way, the pressure to have everything organized and ready is even greater.
We push ourselves day after day to complete never-ending to-do lists and show up for everyone who asks whether we have the time, the energy, or the means?
But what's behind our push to do it all?
Women, in general, feel considerable responsibility for everyone around them and believe they have to put other people's wants ahead of their own needs. As women, we are considered natural caregivers. We are taught from an early age to be responsible and to make others feel comfortable while putting our own feelings aside. And those teachings carry right through to adulthood. So, we find ourselves in the predicament of constantly giving and doing for others when we haven't got anything left to give.
Past traumas, societal pressures, generational patterns, and a need to please can also contribute to our urge to overdo things.
But if we look even closer, we can see that the compulsion to take on too much may be deeply rooted in fear. If we say "no" to people, we may fear backlash in the form of:
Judgment from friends and family. We may believe that loved ones will think ill or speak badly of us if we choose to put ourselves first.
Disappointing others. While it's impossible to meet everyone's expectations, we feel like we've failed if we've let people down.
Rejection. You may believe that others will no longer like you because you can't meet their needs.
Not being needed. You may worry that others won't rely on you anymore as you need to be needed and pride yourself on being a helper.
To avoid what we fear, we find ourselves in the same situation time and time again – taking on too much. And by doing so, we place everyone's needs above our own and forgo our own happiness.
Photo by Ella Jardim on Unsplash
Self-evaluation and self-care
If you're feeling overwrought from taking care of everyone else, stop and take inventory of your feelings. Sit down and ask yourself these crucial questions:
Why do I feel like I need to do it all?
Who am I doing it for?
Do you feel compelled because of fear or judgment, or expectation? Notice if feelings of guilt come up in association with these questions. Once you peel back the layers, you can make the necessary changes to get back to a deeper sense of self.
Ultimately, your goal is to move away from the pressure of taking on too much. More importantly, you want to come to an understanding that you don't have to extend yourself to be appreciated or worthy. Doing enough for you – fulfilling your own expectations should be the priority.
But, remember, the road to self-care is a journey, and you won't forgo old habits overnight. But what you can do is determine how you can ease the pressure and the guilt right now. To help you on your way, follow the 6 tips below when you feel overwhelmed from taking on too much.
6 tips on how to stop doing it all
Pause. Take a few minutes for yourself out of a busy day. It can make a huge difference in your mood and well-being and allows you time to reconnect and reset.
Speak up. It's true what “they” say, if you don't ask for help, you won't get it. We can't sit around brooding if we haven't told anyone that we are struggling.
Say "no." It's just not possible to make everyone happy, so stop trying. Learn to say no – it will build your confidence and help you feel empowered.
Strengthen your emotional boundaries. Weak emotional boundaries leave us vulnerable to the demands of others. Create boundaries within your relationships and exercise them regularly.
Let go. Realize that it's not your responsibility to do everything. Let those expectations and guilty feelings go.
Prioritize. Make a note of essential tasks and determine which can be completed at a later time or date.
Delegate. Free yourself from the notion that everything has to be done by you. Recruit help from those around you to get the job done and help take some of the load off your shoulders.
You matter
Doing things for others is commendable, but you don't have to stretch yourself thin. It won't do your mental, physical, or emotional health any good. It's essential to recognize how fear and guilt impact your need to do it all and deal with those feelings accordingly.
Rediscover how to meet your own needs and expectations, not the expectation of others. And recommit to fulfilling the responsibility to yourself to be more present in your life and do what makes you happy. Then you will find you are better able to give to others.
If you need help dealing with issues or trauma in your life, please feel free to contact me for a free consultation. My one-on-one counselling program, Come Home to Yourself, is designed to help identify, release, and heal the mental, emotional, and energetic heaviness that has been weighing you down.