The Power in Surrender and Letting Go
Photo by Chelsea shapouri on Unsplash
"Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down."― Roy T. Bennett
What comes to mind when you hear the word "surrender"?
For many of us, surrender means that we've given in or given up. It implies that we've allowed something to be taken from us because we weren't strong enough or in control enough to hold onto it. It can evoke feelings of defeat, loss, and failure.
But what if I told you, surrender could be the gateway to a happier, easier, and more meaningful life?
It may seem odd to view surrender as positive, but it can be, especially when going through our most trying times.
Learning acceptance and surrender isn't easy, but it may be the most self-preserving thing you do.
What does it mean to surrender and let go?
Letting go is the first step towards healing. When we let go, we surrender resistance to "what is" and move into acceptance of what is. Before we can do anything else, we must accept where we are.
To accept is to recognize something as valid or correct. By acknowledging the reality of our circumstance, we consent to receiving it and digesting it as truth instead of fighting against believing it or taking it in.
Acceptance is not about resignation, condoning, condemning, or liking the situation. It has nothing to do with whether you want to change something or not. It is simply about acknowledging the validity of your present reality so that you can let it in instead of fighting to keep it out.
Understanding the struggle between acceptance and resistance
Many of us are guilty of controlling people, events, and things around us. We fear change, so we cling tightly to what we have. We fear the unknown, so we strive to keep everything the same. We should realize, by now, that life is too unpredictable, too fluid, too exceptional for us ever to control it.
But we persist in our resistance.
We are constantly pushing against change. And while dealing with stressful circumstances like the loss of a job, death of a loved one, heartache, betrayal, or other tribulations is difficult, it is that much harder when we resist. Instead of accepting the reality of what is, our immediate response is to oppose.
We find ourselves spending copious amounts of time and energy fighting what is, engaging in self-dialogue and thoughts that are more harmful than helpful such as:
Wondering how could it have been prevented?
Asking, "who is to blame for it?"
Denying yourself the right to grieve
Telling yourself, you need a fast fix to feel better
Trying to interpret what it means about you and your future?
None of these queries or thoughts can change anything about the circumstance. All of this distraction is simply a fight against what is.
You won't be able to change the outcome of something that already happened. Ultimately, holding on to this kind of resistance makes you powerless and improves nothing. By blaming the situation at hand, you are trying to change what has already occurred. Instead of trying to control things, take time to come to terms with what has happened and feel the way you feel. By acknowledging and accepting those feelings, the process of healing can begin.
Our unwillingness to accept what is, can be an immense source of suffering. The more we fight against ourselves, the more we feel pain, frustration, sadness, disappointment, etc.
Learning to move forward
Once you accept what is, you will find a whole new world of possibilities has opened up -- possibilities that may have been closed off to you before. But to find those opportunities, you have to move forward.
Everything is here to serve you, to move you into the person you are meant to be. Those experiences that we are desperately trying to resist are placed on our path for a reason. Whether that is changing a perspective, cultivating a growth mindset, moving us closer to self-acceptance, or stripping away old beliefs.
Letting go is about surrendering to your own peace, releasing fear, and taking back your power. When you accept the way things are, you will feel more confident and empowered to make better decisions.
And because accepting what is can be difficult, we also need to be compassionate with ourselves. Compassion means:
Allowing yourself to feel
Putting down your defenses
Speaking kindly to yourself
Releasing yourself of hurtful expectations
Being tolerant of your imperfections and others
Embracing self-care
Treat yourself gently and kindly as you come to terms with your circumstance, yourself, and your feelings.
Making the change
Adjusting your mindset from resistance to acceptance will take time. Be patient with yourself as you make this transformation. Though we may resist our own healing, we carry the capacity to create space for newness, allowing what is wanting in our lives to emerge.
Finally, I'll leave you with these words from Iyanla Vanzant, which assure us that even in letting go, there is strength.
"It takes a lot more courage to let something go than it does to hang on to it, trying to make it better. Letting go doesn't mean ignoring a situation. Letting go means accepting what is, exactly as it is, without fear, resistance, or a struggle for control."